First of all, I want to say congratulations to all of my friends who have recently increased their family size by one (or two) mini-person (who takes up so much of your time and energy…Godspeed to you all), as well as those who currently have the metaphorical “bun in the oven”. Mommies (and mommies to be), you all look so lovely…daddies (and daddies-to-be), I can see the excitement/nervousness washing over you. I am ecstatic for all of you!
At the same time, it seems that as I read blogs/Facebook posts/emails and go through all of the “cuteness to the millionth degree” photos of ultrasounds, baby showers, newborns, birthdays, etc, that tiny voice inside my head becomes not-so-tiny anymore, screaming, “I WANT ONE TOO!!” I suppose you could say my biological clock has all but exploded at this point (and being one who likes to know what’s happening, when, and how, having the clock explode with no idea when it’ll happen for me leaves me a bit…difficult to live with…poor InChul and Hudson).
Please understand, I feel no animosity or even a slight bit of resentment for those who have been so blessed (I celebrate with you all in your happiness!). I just find it difficult to cope with that maybe, just maybe, it’s not in the cards for me…not now…maybe not ever! With such thoughts ravaging my psyche right now, it’s hard to hold back tears when I see toddlers running around shrieking with joy, or watch people giving birth in shows like “A Baby Story”.
But in the midst of my human nature of “I WANT IT, AND I WANT IT NOW!”, a simple song was reintroduce into my life (it was one we sang this past weekend at Trinity).