Giving Thanks

I’m All In…Oh God, What Have I Done?

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

So if you are Facebook friends with me, you already had a sneak preview of what this blog is going to be about. Even if you aren’t, from the quote above you can probably tell it has SOMETHING to do with some dream that I’ve had that may or may not have come true.  Yes, it’s true…I have finally gotten the opportunity and the courage to bite the bullet and pursue a lifelong dream of mine.

Many of you know (if you’ve known me for long enough or have read some of my early blogs like this one or this one) that I may dabble a bit in the world of vocal performance.  It’s been a part of my life for, oh say…25 years (30+ if you were believe the stories my mom and grandmother tells about toddler Lydia performing in front of her grandfather’s church congregation).

Yeah…dabbled…just a bit…
Childhood moments in the spotlight
Belting out the national anthem for the Gwinnett Braves!

Let’s just say that you’re looking at someone who, as a little girl, 
DREAMED of learning to sing really well…perhaps even sing on Broadway
(or be a Disney voice actress) someday.

My more recent vocal performance pursuits have been in church settings, as I have had the privilege and honor to lead congregations into the presence of a most holy and awesome God with offerings of worship and praise (of the music variety).

One of my most favorite hymns…

Unless you count the time my mom taught me to sing for a children’s competition or the one session I had with someone who sang no Broadway, I have never had real formal training.  I learned this pretty much on my own.  And while most may think this impressive, it’s actually been more detrimental to my voice than anything else.  By not knowing how to properly utilize this instrument, it has slowly begun to deteriorate.

Of course this means those Broadway/Disney dreams are deteriorating too.
The little girl inside is BAWLING, knowing she may never get to live her dreams.
How do you comfort a crying child when that (figurative) child is YOU? 
The same way you would pacify any hysterically crying child.  You give in.

This past weekend, I came across an opportunity to work with a vocal coach over a 12-month period.  While it’s not your conventional vocal training program (it’s a “long distance” program that uses email and YouTube videos as the main source of interaction), it still comes with a good deal of time commitment and a fairly hefty price tag.  Without a doubt, there would have to be some sacrifices made on my part to make something like this fly.  But just from my brief interaction with this coach, I knew that if I were to get vocal training, this was perhaps the pretty good fit for me.

The questions was, “Am I willing to make the sacrifices necessary to do this?”  The time…the money…

Was it worth it to pursue this lifelong pipe dream (which I had ALMOST altogether given up on) to perhaps do something with this voice of mine?  The dreamer inside said yes.  But the voice of reason (which my friends know is pretty strong) said no – “I’m (almost) 33…I’m to old to start singing professionally”…”what would I do with this training anyway”…how could I argue with reasonable arguments like that?
It was a tumultuous two days, as I watched those two duke it out.

So what did I decide to do?

I went all-in.  I put my chips on the table.  I signed the contract. I paid the money.

…wait…what?

I don’t know how, but for the first time as far as I can remember, I was able to overcome my sense of doubt and reason and take the plunge.  I’ve never before even considered giving into this “fancy” that I could ever amount to anything as a singer (there have been too many instances in my past where my dreams – and confidence – were shot down).

Even now, the voice of reason is still shouting, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???  ARGH!!”  

I still don’t know if this is a good decision or not.  I don’t know where I’m really going with all this.  I just know that, at the age of almost-33-years-old, I finally found (or was given) the courage to do something completely out of my character.  I’ve finally found the courage to pursue this dream that really doesn’t make any reasonable sense.

No, I have not given up on my day job.  I am still a faithful employee of MSUCOM Academic Programs (after all, need the paycheck to pay for said lessons).

No, I will not be releasing a hit single or making any Broadway stage debuts anytime soon…maybe not ever (I know…you’re all SO disappointed *tongue-in-cheek*).

All I know is that God knows my heart.  He created it to love music and singing.  And now, He’s completely overwhelming me with the OPPORTUNITY to pursue something I love.  Who knows…maybe He will even give the “little girl” inside opportunities to fulfill some of those “wishes her heart made” so very long ago.

For now, I’m just grateful He has opened this door for me…and I’m more than eager to walk through.

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4 ESV 

And surely, His promises are true!

Lots of questions and uncertainties still lie ahead, so there will definitely be updates on this along the way.  Stay tuned!

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