It’s not that I’m not feeling thankful today. I am…I always am. But it’s been difficult for me to pinpoint just one thing that I’m thankful for today as I have simply been bombarded by God’s goodness and blessings, lately. Therefore, as I will try to piece together the jumble of joy in my life right now, I will be taking this post in a slightly different direction. Hopefully, you will enjoy it as much as you enjoy “Thankful Thursdays” posts.
|…too many dreams…too little time…|
There will always be things in my life I will feel I never have enough of – money, time, cute apparel to add to my growing wardrobe…
However, one thing that I will never be wanting of (EVER) is the plethora of dreams and hopes that consume my mind and heart on a daily basis. I’m a confessed Type A, obsessive-compulsive, “need to know what’s coming next” psycho who feels she needs to plan for every waking minute of the day. This also means that my mind is always about 5,249 steps ahead of real time…daydreams have taken almost permanent residence in my daily thoughts (and we’re talking armies of them partying 24-7…you know…THOSE neighbors upstairs).
Like most people who are a bit psychotic like me (if there are any), these dreams change from time to time as I get on in years (geezer!). Currently, being in the stage of life that I am, my greatest “dream nemesis” for being productive in any way or being able to remember something my husband tells me for more than 10 minutes is my dreams of motherhood. It hits me every time I see photos of or run across those who barely seem to come up to my waist (if they can stand at all). As I congratulate my friends on their recent (or soon to come) addition to their families or when I see that bright-eyed, not quite completely steady on their feet mini-persons toddling around (or sleeping in their sleek sports car edition of a stroller…some really slick ones out there these days), my mind begins to wander into the realm of “I wonder what that feels like.”
You know…I wonder how it feels like to carry this other being inside of me, only to expel him/her into the world (in a messy, not so glamorous kind of way) screaming and kicking…how it feels to have this little person sleep within my arms, as I feed them and rock them to sleep for the umpteenth time that night…how it feels to be the one who has been given the task of sustaining the life of this mini-human…how it feels to watch them grow into their God-given personalities and teach them to harness them for good, not evil…
I don’t know if I’m the only one who’s waiting for the next stage (probably not, considering how many people I hear and read about struggling with infertility, miscarriages, etc). I don’t know if others are asking the same “I wonder…” questions like I am. And I definitely don’t know whether I’ll ever be able to experience the answers to these questions (and not knowing…THAT is probably the toughest part of it).
And the same One who put this desire in my heart is asking me to trust Him with said desires of my heart.
|Don’t worry, mama! I’ll be your baby. ❤|