I’m not a stranger to goodbyes. I’ve had to say goodbye in my life many times (too many, if you ask me) – family members, friends, schools, workplaces, hometowns, etc. So it doesn’t surprise me that when the time comes to say goodbye again, it doesn’t faze me anymore. The hurt of knowing someone won’t be there anymore doesn’t really hit home…and I’m able to put a smile on my face and send them off laughing and with all the well-wishes I can think of.
That is…until they’re really gone.
You may not think that I’ll miss you when you initially leave, because I don’t shed tears (heck, I seem altogether CHEERFUL). But that couldn’t be farther from the truth – I do miss those who leave and those I leave behind. It’s just that the pain of missing someone is always DELAYED in my case. After a month…a week…sometimes even a DAY after the said person is gone, not knowing when we will see each other again, my heart starts feeling empty. My mind starts going numb. The fatigue I feel on a daily basis intensifies to the point where it takes every ounce of my strength to put one foot in front of the other.
I’m definitely one quite susceptible to depression, in all its malignant glory.
I suppose there are solutions to this problem. I could seek medication for whatever psychological turmoil that will come with the parting of ways. I could try to ignore it and pretend the person never existed in my life in the first place. Or I could kidnap said person and force them to stick around…always (duct tape…rope…deadbolt locks for all the doors).
Obviously, those are not viable options
(especially that last one…because it’s illegal and is in
fact frowned upon in many societies, including ours).
So all that’s left is to live one day at time and get used to the idea that these people will not longer be within “hanging out” distance…to keep in touch via the tsunami of social networking sources we have available in this day and age (prepare for increase in Facebook stalking)…to hope they will be back to visit (need to work harder on the manipulation tactics).
It won’t be the same, but it’s the best we can do.
To those I have or will be saying goodbye to…despite the cheerful demeanor you may see as we part ways, I’m not going to be okay with you leaving. I understand I have no choice. I know that we will stay in touch. I know I am not forever “out of sight, out of mind”. But I’m going to be sad. I’m going to miss you. I’m going to feel lonely without you. This is because you will be carrying a piece of me with you as you leave.
It’s my gift to you…which I freely gave
to you when I first decided to call you friend.
And let me tell you…there are a lot of “pieces” of me out there.
So don’t forget to drop a line sometime, letting me know you’re well. Assure me that as I am thinking of you, you are thinking of me too. Make plans to visit. If nothing else, update your Facebook status on a regular basis so I can at least PRETEND that we’re still within “hangout vicinity” (online, anyway).
Goodbyes aren’t so bad…it’s the aftermath that hurts. So let’s do our best to ease the pain as it comes.
To those whom I’ve already said goodbye – I’m thinking of you.
To those whom I will be saying goodbye – I’m thinking of you.
…with much love…