Family · Giving Thanks · Infertility

Musings of a [Not Yet] Mommy | Chapter 2

Today is the day that I feel I should have been dreading for some time now.  At 12:00 noon (Eastern Standard Time), I am scheduled for my hysteroscopy polyp(s) removal.  For all you non-medical folks, it basically means clearing out the polyps (small growths) found on my uterine lining.  This outpatient (in a clinic) procedure apparently will increase my chances of conceiving.

As an IMPORTANT side note, I just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all of the ladies out there who were so kind to comment/message me via Facebook with your words of encouragement.  Every story shared and prayer promised brought me so much comfort and joy.  I’m so blessed to know each and every one of you!

Getting back to the topic at hand, the reason I say “should have been dreading” because…I’m honestly not dreading it.  I’m not excited about it.  In fact, I’m really not feeling anything about it at this point.  It’s all still a concept that hasn’t hit home, I guess…that I am undergoing the very first surgical (minor, though it may be) under general anesthesia.  I have all of the information…I know the risks (those informed consent forms can do a number on your confidence in modern medicine)…and I understand there will be pain to deal with.
But…it’s not real…at least, not yet.
I guess I just don’t know what to expect, despite knowing in my head what’s going to happen and what can possibly happen.  I don’t know how it’s going to feel falling asleep and waking up after the fact.  Will it feel like I just went to sleep?  Will I have any concept of the time and events that elapsed?  Will there be complications?  Will the post-surgery pain ease in or will it hit me like a semi truck?  Will I recover quickly or will it drag on…and on…and on?
And above all…will it work?  
There are definitely many more questions about this procedure than answers…a lot of answers that won’t come until after it’s over.  I suppose that’s why I really don’t feel anything…I don’t have enough information to know what to feel.  
Maybe that’s been done purposefully.  Maybe God purposely leaves me in the dark so that I won’t know enough to fear this new experience.  Maybe it’s He who is keeps my anxiety at bay.  Maybe it’s a test of my faith…to see if I will truly place all my anxieties at His feet.
Whatever it may be, I am grateful.  And, no matter what the outcome is, I know He is in control and I will praise Him for all He does through today’s procedure.  Come what may, I will praise my Lord.
Still, if you happen to remember me tomorrow, would you lift up a prayer and petition for me?
And with a final glass of water before my 
12 hour (surgery related) fast, CHEERS!

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