Family · Infertility

Musings of a [Not Yet] Mommy | Chapter 3

It’s been exactly three weeks since I underwent my very first surgical experience.  For those who are wondering, I can sum it up with just three points:

  • The wait time was LOOOOOOONG!!  The procedure started at least a good 45 minutes after the scheduled time.  For a “Not Yet Mommy” waiting for the next step in trying to become a mommy, those minutes felt like eons.
  • Once they got the propofol into me, I was out.  I remember the anesthesiologist saying “We’ll see you in a bit,” and then I was waking up in the recovery room.  So I have no recollection of what went on in between.
  • Recovery was a breeze.  Except for having to remember to take two different antibiotics and some very mild cramping, there as really nothing to complain about.  After that first week, I was ready to entertain family for Thanksgiving.
But now that the surgery is water under the bridge, and some time has passed, some of the prior anxieties are coming back.  There are these little voices in my head that keep asking, “Will this work?  Will we need to take further steps?  What if, after all this, we still can’t conceive a child…ever?”  I suppose these are valid questions for a “Not Yet Mommy” to ask.
Except…it’s really only been three weeks.
It seems what they say is true – it’s through trials and uncertainty that your real character surfaces. And apparently, I’m an impatient worry-wart who can’t simply let things play out in the time frame it takes for them to play out.  Typical me, actually…can’t say I’m surprised.  Why can’t I simply let things be and enjoy ever step on this journey for what it is?  Why am I always all to eager to move to the next stage, knowing this one passing me by will be gone forever?  There are always lessons to be learned, self-discovery to be had, and more facets of God to be explored with every step.  I need to take every step…and enjoy it for what it is.
So, in this season of my life, it’s all about finding out more about myself and just how much I need Christ.  It’s not just about our hopes and prayers for a child.  It’s about my heart needing to be changed over and over again to trust Him more and to become more like Him.  Patience is a virtue that doesn’t come naturally for me, and I need Him to grow that virtue in me.
In the end, perhaps that’s what God had in mind for this stage in my life.
At least, I have all of these awesome holiday festivities to keep me busy…for the time being.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…
The tree is UP!!  Ooo…sparkly!

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!

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