Family · Giving Thanks · Infertility

Musings of a [Not Yet] Mommy | Chapter 16

December 15, 2014

This day is fairly significant for a number of reasons:

  1. It’s my mom’s birthday (Happy Birthday, mom!).
  2. It’s the first day of my first pregnancy’s maternity leave.
  3. It’s three days from my estimated due date.
He’s coming!!  SOON!!

At this point, all I can think about it staying comfortable, eating when I really don’t feel like eating ANYTHING anymore (like seriously…if I didn’t have to continue sustaining this life inside of me, I could easily eat MAYBE one meal a day), trying to reduce swelling in my extremities (dear lord, how does a body retain so much fluid??), and doing my best to walk as much as possible to try and speed up the laboring process. At least with that last one, I have an external force motivating me to move around as much as possible (in the form of a somewhat impatient daddy-to-be, who is determined to have this kid arrive prior to January 1, 2015 for tax purposes…and because he wants to meet him too, I’m sure).  Sure, there’s plenty of pain and discomfort that comes with any activity other than lying still in bed, but if it means that this kid leaves his current dwelling sooner, I’ll push through the pain.

…quite determined to “get things going”…

At the same time, I’m kind of shocked that we’ve arrived at this point in the pregnancy so soon.  It seems like yesterday I received word that I would be carrying this human being inside me for the next nine months.  To think…he’ll no longer be inside me very soon.  He will instead be in our home, wreaking havoc and chaos in what has been a relatively sane and calm household. The larger part of me is excited, ready to take on this next phase of my life called “motherhood.”  But I cannot deny there’s a small but significant part of me that feels resentful that the normalcy of life will be torn asunder, leaving us frazzled and sleep-deprived for the next who-knows-how-long!!

A taste of things to come…scary…
But I suppose it’s a bit late now to renege on this whole baby thing.

So I will focus on the hope that, once I hold him and see him face-to-face for the first time, that all resentment will fade into complete and utter joy…and all I will feel is love, coming to the realization that whatever I face in the next days, weeks, months, years, and lifetime will be more than worth it. After all, I’ve been waiting for this for a very long time.

For now, all I can say is…kid, you have three days to vacate the premises!
Sooner, the better at this point.  #EvictionNotice

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