Being a mommy has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or even this blog, you can tell I’m more than a little obsessed with this little guy.
|Can you really blame me?
But with all the love and sheer joy I have received through this little man, his arrival also has cursed me with an unending fear that something TERRIBLE could happen to him. My heart cannot handle even the remote chance that I could betray his trust in me to protect him from harm…God forbid, death.
It’s everywhere…stories of tragic accidents or purposeful neglect leading to the suffering and death of such little ones. Children I otherwise would never hear about, I feel like I have failed them in some way…that perhaps I could have saved them…I could have swept them up and kept them from such pain and sheer terror they must have felt.
Yes, I know I’m crazy. I may need to seek help.
When I come across such news, I try my best not to read or listen/watch. It only fuels my own paranoia that something could happen to my own child, and destroy my heart as thoughts of, “I wish I could have done something for him/her,” flood my very soul.
I tend to let fear rule me…and it does sap so much joy from my life.
Several weeks ago, Shanae shared her story
at Trinity Church about living “A Better Story” after being freed from her own form of fear. While her story was different from mine, the same, motherly fear for her children rang true in my heart. I was glad to know that I am not the only mother who had such fears. With the undying love, it’s only natural that a mother would want to protect her children from anything and everything. But since we are limited in our humanness, we are incapable of shielding them from the world and all the evil/pain that lies out there. So we have the tendency to live huddled in fear for our children.
But God calls us to more than that. God calls us to a life free from fear.
But you, Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
the offspring of Abraham, my friend;
you whom I took from the ends of the earth,
and called from its farthest corners,
saying to you, my servant,
I have chosen you and not cast you off;
fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:8-10 ESV
Those who trust in the Lord are called to “fear not,” for our Protector is the Almighty God. And it’s not just fear for ourselves…but fear for the well-being and safety of those in our care who cannot care for themselves. While we are called to the mission of raising them, leading them, and loving them towards the Cross of Christ, we are also called to entrust them to our Lord’s care. He promises that, as our God, He will strengthen us and help us by doing the very thing we are incapable of doing – defending our children from everything that is out there.
I have the God of the universe on my side. Why should I live in fear when He, in His infinite love and wisdom, is doing what is best for me and my family?
Still, my faith is still weak, and there are moments where my fear overwhelms me. It is in those times, all I can do is cry out to the Lord to save me from the desolation of my own imagination…just as my own baby cries out to me when he needs me to save him from all that hurts and scares him. I am just as helpless as my baby…but I have a MORE than capable God who is looking out for me.
Lord, you are my Rock and my Salvation. I will trust You to save me from the fears that would otherwise rob me of my joy. Amen.