It was a long Spring.
I’m sure all of you have had one of (or a multitude) of days/weeks/months/years where you feel utterly drained and exhausted. “Life” during that time period completely sapped you of all energy and emotional strength. Some are still in the middle of their struggles, with no “light at the end of the tunnel” to give them a sense of renewed hope.
My pastor calls this “Day Two”…as in the metaphorical second day of silence and darkness that the disciples of Jesus endured as He lay in His grave. While today we have the advantage of 20-20 hindsight to know that a “Day Three” is coming, we all have those moments when we feel the overwhelming burden of the silence and uncertainty of “Day Two.”
For a more detailed look on the “Three Days,” check out our Easter Sunday service HERE. As a side note, that weekend was quite possibly one of the two MAIN culprits of making my April so long and tiring this year (plans, preparations, and execution). But, as you can see, we made it out on the other end victorious (by the grace of God).
As the busiest weekend of the year came and went (seriously folks…Easter Weekend for most churches is pretty much equivalent to the “Super Bowl” for the NFL), I emerged on the other side with a sense of exquisite and joyous exhaustion. Hearing so much positive feedback on the other end definitely was encouraging, but mostly, it was the fulfillment of God’s promise in Romans 12. As we offer ourselves as “living sacrifice(s),” utilizing the gifts He has given us for His purposes, and coming to realization of His perfect and pleasing will for our lives.
But that is not to say I didn’t feel the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strain. I mentioned to my staff team the other day how I felt that Easter Weekend 2017 left me with zero motivation and a lack of sense of purpose. It seems odd, considering the success we had should have actually confirmed what those things should be. But I was actually left feeling empty and needing a new perspective on my job…and my life in general.
It seemed almost serendipitous that this occurred at the time it did, because just a week after Easter Weekend, I had a chance to step away from work. I traveled to the other side of the world (literally…13 hours away) for a couple of weeks to spend time with family and celebrate my brother-in-law’s (and new sister-in-law’s) wedding day.
It was a lovely trip…and helped in clearing my head a bit. But international travel (especially to a place 13 hours away) doesn’t help in helping you rest your body when it so desperately needs it.
Especially since we made THIS announcement during said trip:
And for those wondering, YES, this was the other of the aforementioned ” two MAIN culprits of making my April so long and tiring this year.” #incubatinglifehere
All in all, I didn’t REALLY get a chance to relax and recuperate from the craziness that was April (and May for that matter). And even now, it’s been difficult to get back into a state of feeling fully rested and functional (what with the task of incubating new life having been dropped into my life).
So why all this written whining? I guess I felt the need to explain why I’ve been away from things like blogging for so long. Being as Type A and “goal-oriented” as I am, it’s difficult for me to step away from the things I feel I SHOULD be getting done and simply doing the thing I NEED to get done…and spending what time I can to care for my and my unborn child’s well-being. There is so much guilt for not doing all that I could do before and don’t seem to have the energy for now.
But I also know that I cannot be ruled by my “GO-GO-GO” personality right now. I really do need to give myself a break. Which is why I have gone about re-prioritizing my life and narrowing the scope of “what I do” to the few things that are absolutely necessary and bring me the most joy and fulfillment in my life. I’m learning to let go of self-imposed expectations and focusing on balancing my otherwise crazy life.
So the things I’ve focusing on in this seasons?
- Family – Not just caring for my family by taking care of the weekly tasks that need to get done, but also by leaving moments where I can simply BE with them. Still working on this one, though.
- Work – It not only necessary in providing for our family right now, but it brings me a sense of joy, fulfillment, and purpose. I really do love my job. Now with all this re-prioritization, I have the opportunity to really delve into my role and God-given purpose in my job.
- Self-care – Whether this means taking it easy on my physical and mental state or doing something that helps me in bettering myself (reading, going to select conferences/seminars, writing/journaling to help ease my overactive mind, etc), I’m focusing only on the projects and tasks that help fulfill me. Anything my mind tells me I “need” to do for the sake of doing it falls by the wayside. I’m trying to be much more purposeful in choosing to do things that adds to the care of myself and not detract from it.
So yes, I do still plan to write in this blog (because I really do enjoy seeing my thoughts come to life on the page, not to mention bring sense to it all). But there won’t be very many posts about projects or planning anymore. Most of them will be refocusing on things that running through my mind at the moment that I simply need to get down in written format in order to bring peace and harmony back to my otherwise flustered soul.
I hope to be able to write more on those other things in the future. But for this season in my life, I look forward to sharing with you the world inside my head and the learnings and loves that I encounter as “life happens.”