Twenty weeks plus 3 days. That’s how long medical science has dictated we have been together.
I woke up this morning, exhausted and groggy. It’s been a really rough patch for me, this new relationship. As tired and fatigued as I am, getting to a state of rest is far more elusive than it has ever been. The protruding belly, the constant trips to the bathroom, and your nightly dance parties really take a toll on my ability to drift off into the slumber I know my body and mind need.
But…such is life…especially when I’m just past the dead midpoint of incubating life…the life of my long-awaited second child.
I’m not sure what the protocol of feelings is supposed to take place with the second child. Everyone talks about the thrill of discovering there will be a firstborn in your life. But from all the stories I have read or been told, it seems pretty common that the second happens with a little less fanfare. It’s exciting, yes…but still with a tinge of “been there, done that.”
And perhaps I have also fallen victim to that, in a way.
After all, I’m writing my first blog post about you over
halfway through this pregnancy. Sorry about that.
But despite my delay in expressing my anticipation of your arrival in writing, it is just as fresh and exciting as the first time around. I may not always manifest that anticipation with the desire to buy new things or set up your living quarters (which will likely be in our room for a long while). My anticipation manifests in that thrill than runs through my heart and soul every time I feel that flutter in my tummy. All the signs that life is growing within me gives me so much joy in knowing that I have a baby on the way…and I’m learning to enjoy every sleepless night, trip to the bathroom that comes with it, and morning of utter exhaustion…
…because I may never have the opportunity to incubate life again after this.
As I am getting on in years, and my chances are growing slim that this will ever happen for me again. That plus the fact all the other adults in the family seem to have reached their saturation point of children/grandchildren at two. Honestly, if I had a chance to do this again, I would take it in a heartbeat. It seems as much difficulty as I have in GETTING pregnant, my body tolerates BEING pregnant REALLY well. Maybe it’s just my babies simply being kind to me in this state.
But…since it may not be the case, I am savoring this special moment and bond I have with you, little one. While I can’t wait to meet you on the outside, I’m not in too much a rush to let go of this beautiful time we have together.
So grow, little one. Grow strong as I do my best to provide the very best for you while you are so close to my heart (literally). When the time comes for us to meet, though you may not be as close to it, my heart will continue to beat for you and your brother as I get to do this “motherhood” thing from scratch all over again.