Second child syndrome is in full effect. No, not for HER (considering she is still wrapped up in her little cocoon inside of me), but for ME.
I guess that’s a bit confusing since I’m NOT the child, I’m the oldest of all my siblings, and she IS the first girl in this family (and the first female grandchild on EITHER side).
What I mean is that I am so deeply affected by the firstborn child in my life (my son, who is definitely an attention hog) that I hardly remember at times that I’m actually expecting a second.
Sure, Baby #2 is making herself known. She kicks and moves throughout the day…so much more than her brother EVER did. The pain in movement at thirty weeks plus two days is UNREAL at times. I have a sweet tooth like I’ve never had before. But despite these indicators that remind me that I am indeed pregnant and a new baby is on its way, I still find myself forgetting to pay attention to the life growing inside of me because of the life that is growing in front of me (WAY too fast, if you ask me).
I mean, seriously…how many “almost mommy musings”
did I post the first time around? How many have I written
since I became pregnant a second time?
I rest my case.
From all the other mommy blogs and Facebook posts I have read, it seems to be a common phenomenon. For many, the second pregnancy is not as much of a focal point in life than the first was because (a) “been there, done that,” and (b) big brother/sister is actually in front of us calling for our attention. So perhaps knowing I’m not alone in this causes guilt to wane a bit.
But…the guilt is still there. With every little
punch, kick, and somersault I feel within.
I’m glad that she is so active (despite the discomfort and, at times, PAIN!!)…not only because it lets me know that she is still growing well. It also reminds me that there is indeed life being knit together within me that has a specific life purpose that I get to help identify and guide in development as mother of a daughter. Just as her big brother has a role to play in this grand story called “life,” she will also have as significant a role. I don’t ever want to forget that…and lose sight of the fact that she too will indeed need as much guidance and love as the firstborn child does.
My sweet, sweet baby girl…keep growing. While I may not always have my attention focused on you, I do know you are coming and await in great anticipation.
I love you…before I even know who you are.
Always and forever!